Freaky Life
by RJM.art
Summary: From pulling pranks to unimaginable pain, Darren experiences a lot of things while growing up at the Cirque du Freak. With his best friend, Evra, at his side, anything can happen. *oneshots and mini arcs on Darren's life while he's living at the Cirque*. Rating may change.
1. Pranks

**This takes place during the time gap between the second and third book in the Darren Shan series.**

Disclaimer- I don't own anything apart from the idea! 

***

I was sitting on the highest branch of the tallest tree in the whole forest, concealed from the view of people below by the cluster of leaves that surrounded it. Tucking in my legs and leaning my back against the rough bark, I looked up to the sky. It was a beautiful day. Not a cloud to be seen. I exhaled in content and closed my eyes, soaking up the sun. Then I remembered why I was in the tree in the first place.

It had started off as friendly joke. A bit of humour to liven up our morning chore of gathering food for the Little People. I didn't see the harm. All I saw was an opportunity to have a little fun.

When Evra had bent over by the bank of a river - to inspect an animal carcass probably - there was only one thing I could do. I snuck up behind him and swiftly kicked his rear. It wasn't hard enough for him to fall into the water, just give him a shock. But of course, I forgot about my half-vampire powers.

Evra all but flew, face first, into the river. He spluttered and coughed in shock, hands flailing everywhere. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked like an idiot after all.

Once he regained some of his composure he looked in my direction and glared so hard I thought I would catch fire. My laughter died on my lips and I put my hands up defensively.

"Hey! I didn't mean to push you that hard. I'm still getting used to my vampire abilities." I said, the corners of my mouth twitching as a grin threatened to show.

Evra slowly got up, not showing any signs that he heard me, and got out of the river. I took a few steps back as a precaution. He pushed some of his wet, yellowy-green hair out of his face and narrowed his eyes to slits. He hissed menacingly,  
"Now you're gonna get it, Shan."

I immediately started running. When Evra looked like that it only meant one thing; you were about to get some serious payback. And in this situation it was most likely he would shove me into the river. So it seemed like the best thing to do was run.

Looking back it was a pretty stupid thing to do because now I was stuck in a tree hiding from him, or just waiting to walk into his trap, cause when it comes to Evra and his pranks, you've always got to watch out.

***

I sat in the tree as long as I could, which actually proved to be pretty long. I fell asleep around midday and woke because of the noises coming from my stomach.

Making my way back to camp was a lot harder than I expected. The Cirque du Freak had just moved here recently and I was unfamiliar with the area. I kept an eye out for any signs of Evra but alas there was none to find. He must have went back to camp with to food for the Little People, thank God! It meant I could delay seeing him till night and by that time he would be too tired to get his revenge. I hoped.

When I eventually entered the Cirque du Freak's new camp site I went straight to the lunch table and picked up a not-so-hot hot dog. I munched on it while picking up today's chore list from Mr Tall. There wasn't that much to do since there wasn't a show tonight.

After helping put up a couple tents and gathering the laundry (to be sent to someone who knew how to wash it) the moon was already making it's way across the black, night sky. I thought it would be best if I waited in my tent for Mr Crepsley to awaken with my next vampire lesson. It also meant facing Evra though, but that was inevitable. I had delayed it as much as possible, may as well get it over with.

Walking into the tent, I saw Evra sitting in his hammock with a bucket of water next to him. Immediately I thought he was going to pour the content over me but instead all he did was stand up, shake my hand and declare there was no hard feelings. I was shocked. Normally he was all for taking his revenge. Maybe he realised that it was a joke. Maybe he was growing up.

I sat on my hammock and smiled. Whatever it was, I was glad of it. I was expecting him to pull something huge with the way he was fuming today. At least I was off the hook.

Looking up at Evra again, I noticed that he was washing his hands in the bucket of water. I was about to ask him what he was doing that for when Mr Crepsley stormed in. He had a furious death glare on his face that would have made me shiver any other day, but today all I did was laugh, because he also had on his face a drawn in moustache, monobrow and a black hand print.

"Darren, did you do this?" he asked through gritted teeth, pointing to his face.

"No, I've been out most of the day and was doing my chores the rest of it." I said, lifting my hand up to scratch the back of my neck like I did when I was nervous. His eyes narrowed as he walked towards me. Snatching my hand with his own he inspected the black ink on it and looked me in the eyes.

"Oh really?" he asked sarcastically, lifting an eyebrow for emphasis.

I looked down at my own hand incredulously. How did black ink get th-

That was the hand Evra shook.

Looking past Mr Crepsley I saw him sat there on his hammock, a smug smile placed on his lips as he waved both of his clean hands at me.

Oh, it was on.

***

**A/N- So this is the start of many oneshots and mini arcs on the Darren Shan series. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and will stay tuned for the rest. Hopefully many are to come.**

Until next time.

- Raejay x


	2. Pranks Part 2

**Hola! Long time, no see aye? Sorry bout that T.T. But hey I'm here now so let's par-TAY…*coughs awkwardly***

**Well on with the chappie! And btw no hate cause I actually stink at pranks. I promise that from now on I'll be writing about things more in my area;) **

**Disclaimer; I don't own anything here! It's nawt mine!**

* * *

Damn flies.

Everywhere you go, they follow you. Buzzing in your ear. Landing on your face. Crawling over your skin with they're gross, tiny legs.

Damn flies.

It had been nearly a week since the incident and in that time I had been worked to the bone around camp as part of my punishment and nearly tormented to death by Evra. I was currently down at the river, washing yet another load of Mr Crepsley's laundry. And getting hassled to death by the flies.

He still hadn't cooled off about the prank yet, I hadn't had a civilised conversation with him for days. But that wasn't what was bothering me at that particular moment. What was bothering me was the fact I still hadn't come up with a way to get revenge.

It was still early morning, Evra and I hadn't even gotten food for the Little People yet. I thought it would be best if I snuck off before Evra had awoken to do my extra chores - to avoid ridicule.

I yawned as I dunked the next item into the freezing water. A faint buzz sounded in my ears, but I reacted too late. Before I could stop myself, I let go of the vampires shirt and tried to remove the fly that had landed in my mouth.

After several minutes of coughing and spitting, I finally composed myself. But by that time the shirt had already drifted a bit down the river. Growling under my breath, I stood up and began to run after it.

I started off with a slow jog, but it soon turned into a sprint. The current was much faster than I had thought, and it was getting harder to dodge the greenery in my path. It grew thicker around the water, while the breadth of the river was growing wider. The shirt was right in front of me. If I reached out I almost had it…

Then I ran face first into a tree. And for a second everything was black.

I lay on the ground as still as possible, trying to make the pain go away. I could feel blood on my top lip, probably from my nose. The shirt was long gone. I didn't have the strength to care. _I didn't know I was running that fast to be knocked out._ Groaning, I turned to my side and observed the water. It almost seemed to dance down the river, like it hadn't a care in the world. I watched it go.

Just down a bit from where I was lying was a brick bridge, leading over the water. I wondered why it was there. _What's so important on the other side?_ My attention was soon elsewhere.

I allowed my eyes to close for a minute. Something sharp was pocking the back of my head. I must have landed on a rock. Sighing, I slowly stood up and wiped myself down. There was something about this wooded area that was … unsettling.

A small smile started to appear on my lips.

This was where I would get my revenge.

* * *

I didn't make it all the way back to camp.

After collecting the rest of the clothes I had started to walk back, but my head was bleeding so much that I passed out. A small search party including Evra and Suki (his snake) came to find me when I wasn't back for breakfast. Apparently I was too heavy for him to carry and they had to call for back up. I wasn't very shocked when I found out, I mean he's just scales and bones.

I was carried back to camp by Hans Hands and left in the first aid tent (aka a tent with a bed and a first aid box). Truska was my next visitor. Apparently I needed a couple stitches, and she was trained in that stuff. My stupid body decided then that I was to wake up - right as she inserted the needle.

After screaming my head off and jumping about a bit, I decided Truska wasn't trying to murder me. I got the rest of my stitches and left before the sun was down. Perfect.

I had produced some sort of a plan during my short walk back to camp. Of course, I was half delusional from blood loss but even so, it was the best prank I'd ever thought of. Who knew creativity came from deep, bloody head wounds.

I had been relieved if my duties for the day, so I was free to do as I pleased. After a quick nap I decided it was time to put my plan into action. Evra hadn't been too far away, he had been checking in on me every ten minutes. It was nice to know he cared. Almost made me call off the prank. Almost.

"Hey Evra!", I shouted, loud enough for him to hear me from outside the tent. He was soon standing at my side.

"What's up? How's your head?" he asked quickly. Doubts about my revenge entered my head again, but then I remembered how angry Mr Crepsley had been at me and how much extra chores I had to do, and the doubt soon disappeared. I had to make this even.

"It's fine, I'm fine." I stumbled over my words, trying to use the correct ones to lure him into my trap. "It's just when I was out there earlier, I lost Mr Crepsley's shirt. He's gonna kill me if he wakes up and finds it missing. Do you mind coming with me to look for it?" I lied. Mr Crepsley probably wouldn't kill me if he knew that I injured myself while trying to get it. But it was the only lie I could think of. To my confusion Evra laughed.

"Since when have you cared when Crepsley's mad at you. You used to _try_ and tick him off, just cause you felt like it." Okay, that was true, but that was during my first few months at the Cirque - when I still hated Mr Crepsley. Now I sort of liked him, he was after all my guardian. I quickly tried to explain myself.

"I know, but he's alright now and I don't want him to put less trust in me cause I can't even hold onto a piece of clothing." More lies. I could see the doubt in Evra's eyes. He was usually pretty gullible, but this must have just been too far fetched. _Quick Darren, your losing him._ "Plus there was this really cool bridge thing I wanted to check out, thought there might be a village or something on the other side."

With a hesitant 'alright', Evra and I set off towards the river.

Towards his doom.

_Mwahahahaha_.

* * *

"Won't the shirt have drifted away by now?"

The question was cleverly asked by Evra half way towards the river. I would have thought that would've been one of his first questions but apparently knowing if the place was haunted was more important.

"No, it was stuck in some rocks. I was about to get it when…I…ranintoatree." I said hurriedly. I still hadn't told anyone about how I had gotten my split head and bloody nose. The only person who knew was Mr Tall, he seems to know everything. He said he would inform Mr Crepsley when he awoke. Looking to the sky it was pretty dark, he should be awake by now. Laughter brought me out of my train of thought.

"What?!" Evra exclaimed. "That's how you split your head? You ran into a tree?" He brought a hand to his stomach and laughed even harder. My eyes burned holes of fury into him.

"I wasn't looking where I was going," I said in defence, "and I didn't split my head because of the tree, I fell on a sharp rock. The tree only gave me a bloody nose." I finished rather sheepishly. It was an embarrassing story. And Evra wasn't making it any easier to tell.

He was about to answer when we found the water. I told him the bridge was just down a bit so we followed the river in silence. When we finally stopped, we were at the tree where I fell. It was obvious that someone had been there. Blood - my blood - dripped down the tree and had pooled on the ground beneath us where I had fell. My head must have been bleeding more than I thought.

After getting over the shock of seeing blood, we moved closer to the bridge. I knew the shirt wouldn't be there but I could fool Evra into thinking it was. There was a lot of blind spots under the bridge, I could easily trick him into thinking I saw something. As if reading my mind Evra asked, "Where's the shirt?"

I pretended to look about a bit before saying I saw something under the bridge. We started to make our way there when I felt a spit of rain. Within minutes it was coming down in buckets. I mentally laughed at my good fortune. _Perfect_. I could see Evra moping from my side, he hated the rain. It made his scales slippery.

After moving a couple steps onto the bridge, I told Evra to hold my legs while I fished for the shirt. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold me for long, especially with his slippery scales. Soon I was in the river, hiding in one of the blind spots while Evra shouted my name.

It was quite shallow under the bridge, just as I had thought. I stuck my hands under the water and smeared mud from the riverbed all over my face and clothes. I would have to get Truska to clean this pirate suit later but it would be worth it if the plan worked out well.

I started to scream as if I was scared and in pain. My acting skills payed off as Evra yelled louder, asking if I was alright. I kept on screaming until I made a splash, then started making gargling noises. An evil smirk danced on my lips as Evra grew more panicked.

_Now time for the real fun._

Sticking my nails into the brick, I started scratching and climbing to the opposite side. I was still underneath the bridge so Evra couldn't see me. I could practically feel him shaking with fear as my scratching grew louder. _This was just too easy._

I was now at the opposite side of the bridge from Evra. He was too busy looking over the side to realise I had climbed up the side. I didn't leave him any chance to spot me as I quickly dived behind the nearest tree. _I have to bring his attention here._ Digging my nails into the tree, I began to drag them downward. Evra immediately turned around, and squeaked in shock.

I had slipped out a bit from my hiding place to let him see me. He had no idea it was, in fact, me of course. It was dark and raining, and I was soaked and covered with filth. I must have looked like a monster! Evra looked ready to pass out at the sight of me.

Lowering my voice to make a more animalistic sound, I growled at him lowly. He took a step backwards off the bridge. I snarled loudly at him and swiped my nails across the bark of the tree again, for emphasis.

And Evra took off like a bullet.

* * *

I was hardly able to contain my laughter long enough for Evra to run out of earshot, presumably back to the Cirque. Everything had went according to plan - Evra had been scared enough to run off. I didn't have much time to celebrate my successful prank though, I had to make it back to camp before him.

Running through the woods was more difficult than I first thought. The rain made it hard to see where I was going and my legs kept getting tangled in the bushes and shrubs growing on the forest floor.

After about 10 minutes I burst into the clearing of the Cirque du Freak campsite. Not many people were out at this time, but a few were sitting around the camp fire. I stuck to the outskirts, not wanting anyone to spot me.

I found me and Evra's tent relatively quickly. After listening intently for a couple of minutes, I decided Evra wasn't back yet. _Maybe he ran into a tree._ I laughed inwardly.

Quickly removing my dirty clothes and replacing them, I washed my face in the bucket that still sat in the tent by Evra's hammock. I stayed clear of his snake that was resting on the ground near it. That thing still really creeped me out. After about 10 minutes Evra's frantic form came bursting into the tent.

I stood still while he caught his breath. It was pretty dark - I hadn't lit any of the lanterns. He had turned so his back was to me, eyes on the floor, focusing on breathing. With an internal chuckle, I made the same low growl I had at the bridge. Evra immediately stood up straight. I made another sound - one similar to a rabid wolf. He slowly turned around and peered into the darkness. Not giving his eyes time to adjust, I jumped out at him.

He made the most high pitched, girlish scream I have ever heard from a guy.

It took everything I had not to wet myself I was laughing so hard. Tears were streaming down my face as Evra composed himself. When my laughter finally died down enough to speak I said, "Now we're even." A triumphant smile placed on my lips. I was so caught up in my successful prank I almost missed Evra shaking his head at me menacingly. My confusion must have been evident on my face as a smirk slowly formed on his face.

"Suki," he called on his snake. The reptile slide towards him instantly, and looked up expectantly at it's master. Evra lifted his right arm to point at me, Suki's eyes following it eagerly.

"Kill"

_Oh crap. _

* * *

**A/N - So that's it really for this short prank arc. I've got a few more ideas lined up and there's a little hint in this story as to what one of them might be;) I would really love it if you guys requested what you want to see in future chapters! I'll gladly accept - as long as they're plausible^_^**

**Drop me a review if you like 'Freaky Life' so far! **

**Until next time**

**- Raejay x**


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